#i'm just gonna cry myself to sleep now

[thedyingwriter]

the way I'm so giddy and happy with just the stills from 8X6 you would think it was my boyfriend or something.

no my single ass is just too giddy over two beautiful beefy queer men who are a blushing mess with each other.

if they exchange i love yous or if there's an actual move in potential this ep (we're delusional) I'm gonna be insufferable.

my irl friends are already tired off how much i mention them in a day now I'll probably chew their ears off with this.

it's hard for me to make people understand how much i relate to buck when he's a 30 yr old white man and I'm a 21 yr old brown woman.

like you do not understand the impact evan buckley's character has on my life.

it's the representation. the neurodivergent traits (ik it's not confirmed but we all see it).

the bisexuality. I'm bi. he's bi. he is connected to me in a someway 😭😭

the need for being loved and trying your level best to give so much love while never receiving it back is too real.

seeing him finally being loved so beautifully by his boyfriend who evan never saw coming is what gives me hope that love exists and i might find it someday.

it's beautiful. they are the reason for my happiness this year.

[shaottzang]

why I feel like I shouldn't be seeing this..

photos taken from x.com

[vcrnons]

i'm completely normal about him.

[lost-in-fandoms]

Angry kitten knight Max. Not as much kitten time as I would have wanted. Part 1 here.

Daniel is sparring with Alex when Max comes to get him.

Daniel sees him cutting through the courtyard, people jumping out of his way after one look at his stormy expression, and barely manages to avoid Alex's next hit, attention already fully on their Captain.

When he comes closer, Daniel can see his clenched hands, cheeks splotchy with angry red, eyes steely. It's not a rare occurrence for Max to get snappy and angry, but it's been a very long time since Daniel has seen him so genuinely upset.

"What happened, Captain?" he asks, handing Alex his practice sword without looking, other hand already raising towards Max's shoulder.

"Come with me," is all Max says, voice icy, dodging his touch.

Daniel wouldn't even think about refusing, but Max doesn't give him a chance to anyway, immediately turning around and marching towards the barracks, exuding so much fury it almost feels like the day is a little darker.

Daniel is pretty sure he's done nothing wrong. He's had his shift on the walls earlier in the morning, to which he wasn't even late, had some lunch and then went to the courtyard. He's also pretty sure, despite Max's behavior, that this doesn't actually have something to do with him. Max had been stuck in yet another council with the King for the best part of the day, which never puts him in a good mood.

When they reach his room, Max pushes the door open so violently it bounces off the wall with a bang, taking two final steps inside and then.

Stopping.

Daniel gently closes the door.

He can see the tension in the way Max is holding himself, ready to snap like a bow cocked for too long, breathing heavily as if he had run the whole way around the castle, and not just walked up two flights of stairs.

"Max," Daniel starts, immediately discarding titles as they always do when they're alone, but then he doesn't know how to continue. He doesn't know what Max is upset about, what he needs. Doesn't know if he'll explode if Daniel prods, or if he'll break.

Max turns around to face him. His jaw is still clenched, frustration etched into every single one of his features, but it looks like he's making an active effort to breathe through it. Daniel isn't sure that will work.

He readies himself to speak up again, but Max interrupts him, words spilling out between gritted teeth.

"He is so, he does not listen! I have said that we cannot, of course, keep holding onto the western border if he keeps insisting on pushing the eastern one, but he says..." his hand slashes through the hair as he exhales heavily through his nose, anger choking him.

"We will just lose men and land if he goes through with this plan!" he snarls. Daniel can see him starting to work himself up even more, and he takes a step forward. He understands where Max is coming from, he really does. It's his men, their friends, who will be sent to a useless and avoidable death if the King decides to go through with this. It might be him. It might be Daniel.

So yes, he understands Max's anger and frustration. But right now his priority is another one, and that's making sure Max doesn't breaks his teeth by grinding them too hard.

"I have shown him, over and over, but he is so..."

Max is still ranting, but Daniel just places both hands on his shoulders and pulls him in a hug, holding him still even as he squirms, with a sound that's almost a growl.

"Max," Daniel says again, squeezing him tighter. Max stops moving.

"Tell me what you need."

For a second, he's sure he miscalculated and Max is actually going to pull back and go back to his rant, or maybe punch him, but then Max slumps against him, forehead landing heavily on his shoulder.

"I left the council before being dismissed, or I was going to get beheaded for regicide."

Daniel can't help himself, lets out a huff of laughter, feeling the way Max giggles a little too. It's not that funny, Max is going to get in trouble for it, but it is a little funny, the idea of the Captain storming out of the meeting room to avoid snapping the King's neck.

"I'm proud of you, I kinda like your head where it is," he says, half joking and half fond, pressing a kiss into Max's hair. "Now, will you tell me what I can do for you?"

He knows that the reason Max came all the way to the courtyard couldn't have been just to rant at him, but he can't quite figure out if Max wants to have sex or to just be held like this.

Turns out, it's neither of the things.

"I need..." Max hesitates, carefully extracting himself from Daniel's hug and looking at him with unusual shyness. He doesn't finish his sentence. One second Daniel is patiently waiting for his boyfriend to let him know how to help, and the next he's looking down at a kitten, sitting between his feet.

He smiles, crouching down and offering him a finger to sniff. He understands now. Feelings are easier when Max is shifted, his brain quieter, all complicated thoughts less important. He's still fully Max, fully present, but it's easier for him to sort through the bullshit, to let his senses take over a little.

"Hi, baby," Daniel whispers, running his fingertip over Max's soft little head, lightly scratching behind his jaw. Max blinks up at him for a second, before turning around and jumping onto the bed, curling in a tiny little ball on top of the pillow.

"You want to take a nap?"

It's not a smart idea, Max will for sure have people looking for him, and Daniel has things to do, but Max blinks at him, somehow managing to pout even in kitten form, and Daniel is on the bed before he can even think twice about it.

Max impatiently waits for him to settle, meowing with his little kitten voice and hitting him with his little kitten paws, climbing on top of him as soon as Daniel stops moving. He curls up on his favorite spot, right on top of his collarbone, wet nose pressed against Daniel's neck, and Daniel can almost feel the moment he lets go, fully relaxing on top of him.

He can for sure feel it when he starts purring, more loudly than one would assume for such a little thing, and it makes Daniel smile.

Neither of them really falls asleep, but it's enough to be like this, in this little room, just them for a little while.

[dogboner]

personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"

[coquelicoq]

.

[fisheito]

Imagine you have to set up yakumo's enclosure for the next couple months. How do you set it up and what do you put in there?

oh NO.! THE PROPPHECY HAS BEenm FUFILLED

i am standing in my room, leggies rooted to the floor. i am in shock .frozen and i have no idea how to proceed. there is a perpetual pathetically sobbing serpent under my blankie.

[triglycercule]

horrordust vs kist

bonus addition fanon horrordust & kist

[djevelbl]

I'm tired of trying to rummage through the dwindling search results just so I can maybe find something new to read — I've been in the fandom for years, I partially grew up with it, it's basically part of my identity, it carried me through some of my worst years as of now, and it's horrible to see it slowly die day by day. It's no one's fault — after all, I get why people would want to leave, and why they'd want to erase every trace of having loved these characters, the internet isn't forgiving once you've fucked up; there's no nuance and no mercy, so I get it.

But I'm not ready to leave yet. I don't think I'll ever be.

I want to keep growing alongside these characters, I want to live as they do and smile when they do — cry and laugh and feel whenever they do. Yet now I have to come to terms with the death of this fandom, the one that saved me (for as dramatic as it sounds) and the one that cradled me when I needed a hug. The one that made me feel a little less alone in what I loved, the one I wanted to explore until I died.

I have to come to terms with it's death, I have to come to terms with the fact that one day I won't have any new stories to read. I don't think I can do that without breaking.

The thing is: there's no other fandom that has grabbed me this hard — this fandom felt so versatile, so malleable; we could write about space the same way we could write about fantasy and superheroes and its canon. We could write about the olympics and dance academies and slam poetry, and no one would bat an eye; it feels harder to do all of this with other characters. I haven't found anything to fill the void this fandom is leaving, and I fear I never will — I know it's only been months, but I thought this would last forever! I thought I'd keep growing alongside it and I know this must sound stupid, some random person on the internet mourning an online community of all things, but it helped me: I felt held and accompanied whenever I opened a new book, I spent days imagining what my favorite characters would do in whatever story I was thinking of writing next, I started so many books that I'm not sure I'll ever finish writing, and somehow I don't mourn those the way I mourn the fandom as a whole. I felt seen in a way I never quite did in real life, because in the community there were other people who shared the same passion for the characters that I did, and I didn't have to explain it all to them so they could understand — they already did! They created and lived and grew up with it the same way I did, and for once I hadn't felt like the odd one out of the group, the one with the weird interests that no one cared about because they were inaccessible to others.

And now it's fucking dying. And now I gotta mourn it all

I feel aimless, like I'm just drifting through the motions — I never had much going on, still don't have a lot going on (hell, I probably have even less going on right now) and I know that doesn't help me in moving on. Maybe I need to start going to therapy again, maybe this is just the denial in the grieving process — but I'm tired. I finally had a taste of how it was like being within a big community that understood me and got what I liked and enjoyed the same things as I did, and I don't wanna go back to being isolated in my interests.

And to think this whole... I don't know man, thing spawned out of not finding many books I wanted to read. I feel dumb. I feel pathetic. I'm sad and angry and so heartbroken. The null sleep I got through the night is probably not helping. I should go to sleep I think

[subtle-as-an-earthquake]

i miss them so much

[thedyingwriter]

I need chris to have a Rory Gilmore arc. What I mean by that is, I want him to realise that his grandparents are totally using his fued with his father to have a 'redo' of raising a son, the way they couldn't have with Eddie. I need him to get super frustrated and call Eddie or even Buck to come rescue him.

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[miallurk]

In these days i realized i like art and writing and creating and shopping and taking walks and talking to people and cleaning and helping and studying and doing things but i'm just. too stressed, tired and burned out to do them. How great!

[formulaheart]

hi guys twin size mattress by the front bottoms was written about sejanus and coriolanus and i wish things could've worked out in their favor

[jasmancer]

god this fucking sucks.

[ppulverse]

.